We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
