The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
