I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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