worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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