I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i now understand why vodka
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
