apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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