Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
