I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
