It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
3pm strippers are depressing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
