i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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