I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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