Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im part way to drunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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