cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
