in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
