So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
