what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
