Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
