He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
