Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What a dumb baby whore.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
