She said her name was "party"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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