i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
