He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
