Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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