I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
