nut hugger
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So. Much. Porn.
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