Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
