HIV tests are more positive than that guy
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
