She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
