His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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