I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
