No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
