YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
