I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
