She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
