This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
