so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
