So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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