a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ketchup is God's man juice
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
