I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
