Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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