everyone is single if you try hard enough
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
