these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
