how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think your dad took our porno
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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