My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
two words: eviction party
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
