Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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