for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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