This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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