This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
