Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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