so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
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