this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
