and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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