one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
