So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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