idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
