i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize