When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize