yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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