And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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