i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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