we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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