i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
