I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
