pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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