Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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