I wish I could punch you in the face.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
