i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
