wrigley field is MILF paradise
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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