yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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