you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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